The slap

Watch out. The slap can come any place, any time.

I want to be happy when I find out a friend is having a baby but usually I'm just pissed off. Okay, it's not like I'm not happy for them, I'm just sad for me.

When a friend tells me their PREGNANT! (it's always in capitals with an exclamation point), I jump up and down and yelp "OMG! I'm so excited for you!" But what I'm really experiencing is a broken reflection of my own struggles. But hey, I am Meryl Streep when it comes to receiving this kind of news. After three plus years, I've had lots of practice.

But recently my performance faltered. My husband and I attended the annual party of our good friends but when we arrived I began hearing murmurings. Words like due date, ultrasound, and congratulations were being tossed at the hostess. I was happy when we'd arrived at the party but just like that, I got slapped.

I turned to my hubby and opened my mouth to say "I think so-and-so is pregnant" but when I reached the P word my voice cracked and tears poured down my cheeks. We were standing with party guests that I did not know and I was so shocked by the sudden rush of emotion that I turned and ran to the bathroom. (If you are going through this, be warned. You can get slapped at anyone moment. You'll be happy-go-lucky and then "Whack!", no more happy.)

After a quick cry, I sucked those tears back down, put on some lipstick, and came out with a smile plastered on my face and congratulated the mommie-to-be. I am a Southern girl at heart, and by golly, I would not allow my own grief to get in the way of the hostess or a good party! That just ain't proper.