My baby girl is out! 6lbs 6oz, 19.5 inches. Push ‘em out small, fatten 'em up later!
It has been almost six weeks, and she has already gained
three pounds. She’s got a belly and a double chin. You go girl. Own your chubby
cheeks!
I know there were haters out there, whom, when I said I was
planning a homebirth, smiled at me but were really thinking, Ha! She has no idea what she’s in for! Just
wait until she feels the pain. She’ll be screaming for an epidural!
I did not scream. Not once. Er… at least not until the
pushing, but it was more like an animal grunting in the wild than a scream. The birth was as
amazing as we’d hoped. It wasn’t a day at the spa
but it certainly wasn’t me screaming in pain as if my arm were being chopped
off. The pain was manageable and not once did I ask or want to go to the
hospital.
It all started the morning of Sunday, January 13, 2013.
For some reason I thought the first sign of labor would be
the appearance of my mucus plug (basically, this is exactly what it sounds
like, it plugs up your cervix until the baby is ready to be born and then your
cervix releases it and it comes out your vag). During the final weeks, every time I went to the
bathroom I looked eagerly into the toilet to see if there was anything slimy in
the water. Peeing was a very exciting experience during that time.
I never did see that mucus plug.
The morning I went into labor (a week before my due date), I
was all ready to get up and finish the last minute chores and projects before
baby came. It was going to be a big day. And it was, but not in the way we
expected.
As I lay in bed, I suddenly felt like I was peeing myself. I
stood up and saw that my sweatpants were wet. I changed into another pair and
they were immediately wet. That’s when I knew I was beginning labor. I put on my trusty Depends, that’s right, Depends (my sister-in-law suggested I
buy them, because even after your water breaks your body keeps producing
amniotic fluid, which continues to flow out).
My mother, my hubby, and I began racing around the house in
a manic state, preparing everything for the birth. I’d been told that early
labor can last many hours if not days, so I had the rest of the day mapped out
with lots of activities. I got to do one of them. A walk on the beach.
After the walk, I had a contraction that made me rethink
leaving the house again. Instead I put on the Golden Globes Red Carpet and in between
contractions I watched the best and worst dressed (Lucy Liu what were you smoking!).
Soon I left the red carpet behind, and Mick and I departed into our bedroom.
I lay on the bed snuggled up to my boppy pillow and the rest
is a timeless blur. Mick put me into hypnosis (which does not take the pain
away, but lessons it and makes it more manageable and puts me into a kind of
deep meditative state). Mick stayed by my side the whole time and I breathed
through every contraction, not a peep was heard from me until the pushing. I
had the lights low and spa music on during the entire labor.
I never, not once wanted to go to the hospital or had a
thought that I couldn’t handle it. I did have thoughts like, “maybe next time I should have an epidural.
That might be nice.” That thought usually came in the middle of a long
contraction but would soon disappear when I relaxed in between.
That’s the thing. You get breaks between every contraction.
And I’d just lay peacefully, undisturbed, in my home, in my bed, until another
came.
At 11pm the midwife checked my dilation for the first time
(they’d been checking my vitals and baby’s vitals the entire time). I was at 9
and 1/2 centimeters (you push at 10 centimeters). When I heard that I was wanted to scream HELL YA!!!
Next was the pushing.
I moved into the birthing tub, which was set up in the
nursery (our daughter was born in the her own room- how cool is that), and I did not need to be told when to push, it was on my body’s terms. And trust me, you know when it is time. When you push you let
out an involuntary grunt at the end. And when I say grunt, it is low and loud.
It was the first noise I’d made since active labor began.
Pushing was intense and euphoric all at the same time. But I had a little surprise waiting for me each time I pushed... my regurgitated lunch. Yep, with every push, I also vomited. And I NEVER vomit. I
can shoot back ten tequila shots, a dozen beers, and five bottles of champagne
and never vomit. So this was quite a shock. My hubby said the bigger the push,
the bigger the spew.
The good thing about pushing is, you get a bigger break in
between them. And all I can say is, I was so relaxed and aware during this time
that I had the foresight to realize pictures would be coming soon. I had a
feeling my eyes look liked a panda bear from the mascara I'd put on early that
day (next time wear waterproof or nothing!). My husband confirmed my
oh-so-scary eyes and I looked up at my mamma and asked for some eye make-up
remover. Once that was done I was ready for baby.
After an hour of pushing the midwife told me to reach down
and when I did, I could feel the feathery hair on my daughters head, ready to
crown. I made a decision right then that it was time. I was done with all this pushing. When the next urge came I pushed like a motherf*cker, and got
her head out. Then during the next urge I pushed again and out she came! Those
last two pushes are called the ring of fire, and yes, it felt fiery as I pushed
and it hurt but I was so excited it didn’t matter and it was over quickly. Out of
everything, the pushing was the most intense but I didn’t mind it. Or maybe I
just have a bit of amnesia.
I don’t care! She came out and she was healthy and I was in
a state of euphoria that I am so thrilled I got to experience drug free. And
thirty minutes later, after birthing the placenta, I lay on my bed with my baby
nursing. It was exactly what I’d hoped for. No drugs to interfere with our
bonding.
And there you are. I loved it. I will do it again. Just not tomorrow.
One final note: Because I know the women want to know (men,
you may want to avert your eyes). Yes, I tore. Only slightly. And no, I didn’t
feel it. There was way too much other stuff going on for that to matter. Oh,
and no, I did not do a doo-doo in the tub. The vomiting was enough!
Any questions?
