The night I had to jab myself, I laid out all the paraphernalia (needles, viles, syringes, alcohol swaps, and the big red "hazardous material" carton). I made my husband stand by my side for moral support (actually, he was by my side almost every time I've given myself the injections). I decided to do the scariest looking needle first (Menopur). I mixed the viles (instruction pamphlet and nurses notes nearby). I pinched a handful of my skin just under my belly button as instructed, took the needle in hand, and stood posed and ready to go... for an hour (okay, it was more like twenty minutes but it felt like a bloody hour!). I'd bring it close to my skin, then pull it away. I'd even tease myself, letting the needle poke at my belly but I wouldn't push it in. To rev myself up, I'd bite my lip really hard and tell myself that biting my lip hurts worse then these shots will.
My mantra switched between: "I can't do this. I can't do this. I can't do this!" to "I can do this. I can do this. I can do this."
Finally I did do it. I stuck those needles in. And you know what, it wasn't that bad. What freaked me out most wasn't pushing the needle in (okay, that was freaky too) but pushing the drugs from the needle into my belly.
(For anyone that may have to do this, I will let you know that the Menopur shot stings a teeny tiny bit as it goes in. Nothing to really worry about, but you do feel a slight discomfort as it goes in- or at least I did. But truly nothing bad. The Gonal-F shot was a breeze. The needle is easy and painless (almost) and you can't feel the medicine.)
I've gone through the ritual for several nights now and it became less and less scary. Once I realized that the needles will just slide right in, no resistance, the fear soon evaporated.
Except for this one time...
...but that's another story.
If you are curious what this looks like, here is a video I watched on Youtube that helped me prep for my shots. (this is NOT me).
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