Getting lucky

I have to pee on a stick to test when I'm ovulating. If one line appears on the stick, it means I am not ovulating, if there are two lines, it means I am ovulating, i.e it's time to make whoopy! I have to do this test several times a month and I feel a few adjustments should be made to bring a little joy into the not-so-sexy test (i mean, really- how sexy does it feel to shove a stick in your pee).



If I ran the world:
Instead of two lines to indicate a positive test, I'm thinking a smiley face, thumbs up, or the words "you're getting lucky tonight!" should appear. Concurrently, an audio message should be sent automatically to my husband's phone that plays Let's Get it On.
(other song options: I Want Your Sex, Sexual Healing, You Shook Me All Night). 

Get out of my face

After two years of trying to get pregnant, I went to my first appointment with my new ObGyn to discuss options. As I walked to the little room to have my blood drawn to test my baby-making hormones, I was accosted at every turn with walls and walls of baby photos. As the nurse drew my blood, I smiled lovingly at the Hallmark of happy families in front of me, all the while Inner B* was giving the wall the middle finger.






*Inner B: My subconscious voice. She likes to speak up and tell the truth of what I'm really feeling and thinking- especially when it is not PC or the 'right' way to think.

Maybe baby?

Yep. I want one of these.

I realized I could go two ways with infertility (God, I hate that word... can't I just be "baby challenged" or "hard-to-be-a-babies-mama"-- anything but the F word), anyway- as I was saying- I could go two ways, wallow in the misery of it all OR say f*ck it and find the humor in a sad and frustrating situation. Sometimes finding the funny is easy and sometimes... not so much. But for the sake of my sanity, I went to what I know- writing and humor- and started this blog.

I don't care if everyone knows my business (obviously! I'm writing a blog) but my adoring husband may not love his manhood put out there for everyone to see so I will try and keep this anonymous... we'll see how that goes.